In all honesty…

First of all, I’d like to apologize for the meh grammar you are about to encounter. I really just want to write without confinement.

I guess this is a tad pathetic, but I honestly couldn’t decipher what I’m proud of in myself. So I decided to ask a few friends. The responses: “the little voice in your head compelling you to keep going throughout all the crap thrown at you”; “your knowledge of 63927393 different cultures”; “ you’re f****** hilarious and compassionate”; “being able to utilize your weirdness to connect with people”; “you’re easy to talk to and you’re funny and smart. And sometimes how matter-of-fact you are is pretty great”; “open mindedness, strength, sense of responsibility, good use of logic, pick one!”  “you’re hair is always on point” (it’s true).

I know the prompt said to pick one thing we’re proud of, but who says I can’t be proud of more than one thing, amiright? The three main things I picked up on from these kind comments from my friends are my perseverance, cordiality, and bluntness. Well… and my hair, but that’s extraneous in this context. Anyways, I think I agree with what they said. I guess I just needed some ideas thrown out at me. It’s always good to hear what others think, I suppose.

Cordiality, or sociability to those who haven’t already googled what it means, is something I strive for but don’t necessarily have to try very hard to reach. Does that make sense? I feel like that didn’t make logical sense. Let me explain. I really like spending time with people, I really like making friends with people of various backgrounds, and I really like making other people feel comfortable and happy in their own skin. And don’t get me wrong, I do make an effort to attain these friendships! It’s not like I just woke up one day and everybody was my friend. But it comes easy to me. I’m good at making friends. If I work hard enough at it, I can become friends with anybody. It’s not a struggle for me to make friends. It’s natural. I mean, I was probably born with some genetic predisposition to this quality so I shouldn’t take too much credit (thanks mom and dad!) but I think I’m still allowed to be proud of it. See, [insert middle school bully’s name here]; awkward band kids CAN make friends!

Being blunt is either a blessing in disguise or the reason the few people who don’t like me don’t like me. Maybe just for the optimist in everybody I’ll go ahead and say it’s a blessing in disguise. As the comment said above, one of my friends likes that I’m very matter-of-fact. I’ll be straight up honest with you 95% of the time unless I think it’ll hurt your feelings too much or if you’re making me really mad. #sorrynotsorry Maybe that’s why I make friends so easily. People like honesty. Life is hard. I’m not going to sugarcoat my thoughts into what you want to hear. If I think you’re wrong, I’ll tell you. Yes, I’m probably the one that’s actually wrong, butttttt where would the standard of intelligence be if no one ever questioned our everyday thoughts or our breakthroughs in knowledge? We wouldn’t have the concept of what electrons are, that’s for sure. Everybody that knows the history of the electron could tell you that story with the Rutherford Foil Experiment. And if we didn’t have the concept of electrons then we wouldn’t have almost any real understanding of modern chemistry/physics/medicine. And if we didn’t have a modern understanding of medicine then a lot more people would be dead. If a lot more people were dead, then would we even be here? Okay…sorry. I digress. Maybe I’m blunt just so I can defend my existence? I don’t know where I was going with that one, but you get the point. We have to have our nice people in society; we have to have the negative people that pretend to be nice; we have to have the few people like me that are the nice people open to becoming negative (haha, get it because electrons?) if it will benefit society in one way or another. Progressing society is always good, right? I’ll take it as a compliment.

Perseverance, in my opinion, is a pretty objective concept when it comes down to it. Whether it’s surviving through the desert for 40 days without food or water or making it through an hour of U.S history without sleeping, the goal is still the same: to make it out alive by making an effort to perform at one’s highest level. It sounds so simple when I put it that way, doesn’t it? In all seriousness, I’ve been through some deep  s#*t stuff. I missed a good chunk of school freshman year due to some medical problems and almost everybody already knows what happened this year. These two events were not individual problems themselves but rather both just branches that root back to one event that kind of messed everything up for me. I’m not going to say what that one event is because that would just not end up well, but I think you can imagine any bad event and the effects would probably be similar. I think my current existence is what defines this whole perseverance thing. It would have been much easier to give up when things got hard. It would have been much easier to rely on everybody else to act as lifeguards saving me from the viscous pool of bad circumstance and regret. It would be much easier to pretend that I’m happy all the time, goddammit! But I haven’t given in and I don’t plan on it. And that’s something to be proud of.


3 comments on “In all honesty…

  1. Well I would say your ability to write is something you should be proud of as well. I’m pretty jealous of your skills. Anyways, while I don’t know you that well, I can definitely tell where you and your friends get the idea that you’re easy at making new friends. If I could add something to your list it would be that from what I can tell you aren’t judgmental. That, accompanied by your honesty is in my personal opinion what makes you so good at making friends since people know they can come to you without being judged and rely on you for honest advice.


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